The Black Hole

Well, it's happening. And faster than I expected. School has become a black hole, sucking up my free time, my attention, and everything else in my life. I knew going in that law school was going to be a time-suck, but nothing could adequately prepare me for what that really meant. I find myself at school from breakfast till dinner, and then doing work in the evenings and weekends. But I knew this coming in. What's more troubling is how it's spilling over into my personal life.

I'm definitely more sensitive these days. I lose patience with people much more quickly, and I feel like I'm on edge all the time. I have a nearly constant feeling that I've forgotten something, or that I'm missing something. It's a pretty horrible feeling, being overwhelmed all the time. I'm also more sensitive when it comes to friends too. I've become a little paranoid about my relationships, and I sometimes feel like people don't have the same feelings about me as I do them. It is admittedly unfair, and probably untrue (at least mostly), but it's a feeling I can't seem to shake.

I've also noticed recently that, with extremely rare exception, I haven't seen my non-law school friends in a very long time. I've been neglecting to keep in touch with them. I've even been forgetting birthdays. I don't want to be one of those people who goes off to law school and neglects their friends and family to the point that their relationships are never the same. I came in to school with some great relationships, and I would like to come out of school with those relationships intact.

This stress may be old-hat to a lot of people, but this is about as long as I've ever really held out in an academic situation. By this time I've normally begun shutting my eyes to the work, and letting things slip. But I really want this time to be different, so I'm doing my best to keep my eyes open. I guess it's kind of like trying to stay up all night -- it sounds simple, but after a while, all you want to do is give up, and you forget why you wanted to do it in the first place.

 In other news, I had my first meeting with my domestic violence client, who is looking to get an uncontested divorce. It was a bit shaky, partially because the school double-booked my meeting room, and partially because it was my first time flying solo with a client. All-in-all, though, I think it went fairly well. I got a lot of the information I needed, and I felt like I looked and sounded at least a little bit professional. But now, even as I write this, I feel like I may have bitten off more than I can chew. But I won't give up these responsibilities, because I know myself, and I know that I would be unlikely to replace them with other work. More likely, I would replace them with more leisure time, and the more of that I have, the harder it is for me to budget my time.

I apologize for the large gaps in time between posts, but hopefully this post will at least help to explain, if not excuse, my delinquency. Until next time...